Wednesday, March 25th, 2020

QUEENS, NEW YORK (March 25, 2020) - The following statement was released today by The Grip, in response to questions about the company's future career plans:'We're back.'

  The Opening Tip

• Joel Embiid is for the people

• A grade-A Ben Simmons meme

• Your All-Coronavirus starting five

• This seems like a good time to remember Andrei Kirilenko

1. The Lead: That time Joel Embiid guilted the 76ers’ ownership into paying its employees in full

Yesterday, on day No. 13 without basketball, or anything, really, we all witnessed the power of two formidable entities: Joel Embiid and Twitter-shaming.To recap...

• On Monday night, Marc Stein reported that billionaire Josh Harris, whose company owns both the 76ers and the New Jersey Devils, was going to cut the salaries of “at-will” team workers making $50,000 or more by up to 20 percent. 

• At noon yesterday, Woj reported that, while only at-will employees will be forced to accept the paycut, the ownership group was looking for volunteers among contract workers to accept the 20 percent reduction, as well, which also sounds like an apt description of hell. 

By Tuesday morning, Harris’s net worth -- around $3.9 billion, according to Forbes -- was a trending topic on Twitter. So was the fact that Harris’s group bought the 76ers, now worth around $2 billion, for only $280 million in 2011.Then came Embiid’s announcement, via Ramona Shelburne, also Tuesday at noon: 

“Philadelphia 76ers star (Joel Embiid) has decided to pledge $500K to COVID-19 medical relief -- to help survival and protection efforts in the community. AND he’s committed to helping Sixers employees who will suffer financial hardship in light of the franchise’s salary reductions.”

The optics of this were a PR disaster -- a generous millionaire stepping in to bailout his greedy billionaire bosses.And so, two hours later, Harris and his crew of pinky-sipping money hogs issued this statement: 

“As part of an effort to do that we asked salaried employees to take a temporary 20% pay cut while preserving everyone’s full benefits -- and keeping our 1,500 hourly workers paid throughout the regular season.After listening to our staff and players, it’s clear that was the wrong decision. We have reversed it and will be paying these employees their full salaries. This is an extraordinary time in our world -- unlike any most of us have ever lived through before -- and ordinary business decisions are not enough to meet the moment.To our staff and fans, I apologize for getting this wrong.”

The best part came

, who seemed to enjoy the fact that his good will directly forced a billionaire to pretend he had emotions:

“In these trying times, I’m proud of the Sixers organization for reversing course and “doing a 180”. Let’s focus on beating this Coronavirus now. Let’s be responsible and Trust the Process!!”

He’s just as good at social media as he is at being a basketball player.[READ: Josh Harris’ Sixers coronavirus pay cut reversal shows power of collective action]

2. The best coronavirus-themed meme goes to whoever made this...

3. The NBA COVID-19 infection masterlist  

Since Rudy Gobert’s positive diagnosis on March 11, the virus has reached most corners of the league. Here’s the running list, via Reddit, of all NBA personnel who have tested positive for the virus:

• Utah’s Rudy Gobert

• Utah’s Donovan Mitchell

• Detroit’s Christian Wood

• Brooklyn’s Kevin Durant

• Three other Nets players (undisclosed)

• One member of the Denver Nuggets organization (undisclosed)

• Three members of the Philadelphia 76ers organization (undisclosed)

• Two Lakers players (undisclosed)

• Boston’s Marcus Smart

• Former NBA player Jason Collins

It seems a little strange that some players are being outed as positive while others aren’t. Shouldn’t all names be disclosed in the name of public health? Don’t they know we have an All-Corona team to assemble?Anyways, here’s our current projected lineup, which, if healthy, would probably win the East:

• Rudy Gobert (C) 

• Christian Wood (PF)

• Kevin Durant (SF)

• Donovan Mitchell (SG)

• Marcus Smart (PG)

Bench: 

• The two Lakers players (imagine if one was LeBron or Anthony Davis?)

• The three Nets players (hopefully not Džanan Musa)

• Jason Collins, who is 41 and inactive since 2014

The biggest unknown right now is big man depth. Depending on who our mystery bench five is, we could be looking at 15-20 minutes a night from Collins.

 4. 03/25/2006: Andrei Kirilenko’s 15-14-3-3-10 night

On this day 14 years ago, Utah’s Andrei Kirilenko recorded a triple-double the extremely hard way against the Kings, finishing with this stat line: 

• 15 points, 14 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 steals, 10 blocks 

It is fairly safe to say we will never see another Kirilenko, for two reasons: 

• He was a Russian guy with AK as his initials who wore the number 47, hence his rather aggressive but undeniably fitting nickname, AK-47.  

• He was 6-foot-9 and led the league in blocks one season, but could also pass like a point guard. 

Plus, he kind of looked like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, rocked a batshit-crazy but kind of rad back tattoo and had a weird thing going on with his wife, which we’ll leave at that.Random quarantine-induced thought: During his third year in the league, AK-47 and Mo Williams played together, which makes you think: In what other realm besides sports would a Russian with a bowl cut and a poor kid from Jackson, Mississippi join forces to work together in Utah?

[

READ:

Andrei Kirilenko was the weirdest motherfucker alive

]

5. Quick Hits: Coronavirus Edition

• Karl-Anthony Towns announced via Instagram last night that his mother is in a coma after contracting the virus. 

• A few teams, including Utah and Brooklyn, have received criticism for how they obtained their tests (Utah used a share of Oklahoma’s public supply while Brooklyn privately bought theirs), the Warriorshave opted not to go that route. “We’re not better than anybody, not worse.” 

• Clippers owner Steve Ballmer has purchased The Forum in Inglewood, Calif. from James Dolan’s Madison Square Garden Company for $400 million, laying the groundwork for the Clippers to move into their own arena.

• In other news, Dolanhasn’t committed to any payment plan for his low-wage workers.   

• Rockets owner Tillman Fertittahas temporarily laid off 40,000 workers.