Monday, June 10th, 2019

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Written while listening to A Tribe Called Quest's Everything is Fair

Let’s rip on the Raptors, while we still can 

Well, folks, it’s reckoning time for all of us. We’re one win away from existing in a world where the Toronto Raptors aren’t the league’s walking, short-armed punchline.The weird purple Canadian team from your childhood with the big stupid dinosaur on its jersey is about to topple the dynasty of the 2010s, only because Masai Ujiri, the guy who just five years ago was baited into yelling Fuck Brooklyn! on national TV, made the ballsiest trade of the decade, acquiring a basketball robot who had broken down the season before.For the last 25 years, unfair and immature jokes at the expense of all of Canada were completely kosher. (Is Toronto even a city? hahaha.) But all good and uniting things must come to an end, and June 10, 2019 might be that day; the Raptors are a victory away from shedding their little brother status to a league, a city and an entire country.So, before we throw everything into a time capsule and launch it to Mars (of which the Moon is a part), let’s cycle through some of the stupid things that have involved the Raptors since 1995, for old time’s sake, in no particular order.

• The big stupid dinosaur.

• Fuck Brooklyn!

• Idolizing Vince Carter after he held the team and fanbase captive for three years, after his best season equated to a 47-35 record and one playoff round victory.

• Andrea Bargnani. First overall pick.

• Enabling Drake, who is nowhere near as bad as the angry white fans make him look and nowhere near as cool as the annoying Drake fans make him look.

• When Kevin Durant rocked a Blue Jays jersey and attended a Drake concert, tricking the entire fanbase into thinking he was coming to play for the Raptors.

• This design finalist back in 1994:

• Almost naming the team the Beavers.

• Not calling themselves the Toronto Huskies, the badass but defunct BAA team of the 1940s.

• Getting swept by the Cavaliers in 2017.

• Winning 59 games in 2018, then still getting swept by the Cavaliers, who had just gone through a seven-game series with the 48-win Pacers, prompting us to write the official Raptors obituary.Here’s the buzzer-beater in Game 3 by LeBron that broke the Raptors’ spirit in real-time.

• Being sonned by old Paul Pierce in 2014, then being sonned by even older Paul Pierce in 2015.

• Being generally pretty good from 2014-2018 and still being a laughing stock.

• At one point having Tracy McGrady AND Vince Carter, who were best friends and cousins, then letting T-Mac walk in free agency.

• Romanticizing Chris Bosh, who never cracked 50 wins with the Raptors and won three total playoff games.

• Never cracking 50 wins from 1995-2015 and winning only one playoff series.

[Listen (S/O to readers Marshall and Devon):

The story behind the Barney design

]

Sorry, Toronto. You’ll probably never have to hear any of that stuff again. But, on the other hand...

This thing is definitely not over

Zach Lowe wrote this after Game 4, and it was definitely true: Kawhi and the Raptors seemed to have broken the Warriors’ spirit in the second half on Friday. Draymond Green finally stopped being suave Draymond Green and picked up a technical. Steph Curry looked tired. DeMarcus Cousins is clearly not ready to play a big role on this stage.But things can change. The 2016 Thunder know. The 2016 Cavaliers would like a word, too. We won’t believe this series is truly over until the morning after the Raptors have won a fourth game.The narrative isn’t too hard to imagine: Kevin Durant comes back tonight. They win. They head home and win again. Then, it’s Game 7. And the weight of Barney and Vince Carter and years of being the punchless little brother comes back to freeze the Raptors.(The latest on Kevin Durant: It would be “shocking” if he doesn’t play tonight.)The Warriors are hurting, but they’re still the Warriors. Don’t doubt what your eyes have seen for the last five seasons.Did that pep talk sway you? If so, the Warriors are currently plus-400 to win the series. Bet now!

A few words on Kawhi Leonard

Here are some pro-robot-Kawhi stats that get us hyped:

• Kawhi has missed just three free throws in the Finals and is shooting 94 percent from the charity stripe (45-of-48).

• Kawhi is averaging 31 PPG and 10 RPG in the Finals.

• Kawhi is playing 40 minutes a game with a lingering injury.

• Kawhi has posted 50/39/89 shooting splits in the entire postseason.

• Even if the Raptors close out the Warriors tonight, Kawhi will probably still land in the top-five all-time in points scored in a single postseason.

  He’s a silent assassin.

A man who rocks the cornrows like it’s 1995. A beneficiary of modern sports science. And now he is one win away from getting a Finals MVP and halting the Warriors dynasty, the second time he’s done such a feat in his career. (Third, actually, if you count the Spurs. Heyo!)He knows it’s not over -- because he’s the most literal human on the planet -- but he could cement an unusual legacy tonight, fitting for a unique man.Quiz: If Kawhi Leonard wins Finals MVP, he’ll become the third player to win the award with two different teams. Who are the other two? Answers at the bottom.

Bon voyage, Tony Parker 

Tony Parker, who really, truly, actually played for the Charlotte Hornets this past season, announced his retirement on Twitter on Monday afternoon. No farewell tour. No press conference. Just a Spursian exit.He is a future Hall of Famer, a Finals MVP and one of the best players of the 2000s and 2010s. He also did something really shady with Brent Barry’s wife was generally a well-liked teammate.In 2015-16, the Spurs won 67 games. After that season, they lost Tim Duncan. Then Manu retired, Kawhi got traded and, now, Parker is calling it quits. His career connected every dot of the Spurs dynasty, from David Robinson to Dejounte Murray.

 Quick Hits

• A kid reporter asked Kyle Lowry, “How does it feel to be an icon all over Canada with kids?” He gave a good answer.

• Interviewer: “If the Raptors win this series, what do you think this will mean for Canada?” Kawhi:“Um, I’m really not sure. You’d have to ask somebody on the street.”

• Paul Pierce, undeterred, trolled on BEFORE Game 4, promising this would be his last time in “Golden State’s arena.”

• Remember when, after winning Game 2 of the 2010 Finals in L.A., he said he wasn’t going back to the Staples Center? Oh Paul.

• Raptors fans have been waiting outside the arena since Saturday.

• Watch a bunch of Canadian fans not trash talk the Warriors.

• Tobias Harris and Boban recently celebrated Best Friends Day.

• Did you catch Klay Thompson doing the funniest dance in sports in Game 4?

 Concrete Reads 

• Zach Lowe: What Kawhi and the Raptors have done to the Warriors [ESPN]

• How the Knicks became the center of a postseason they’re not even in [The Ringer]

• Who is Kawhi Leonard? [ESPN]

• Marc Gasol turns Memphis into Jurassic Park South [New York Times]

 Podcast Pick

Two Raptors writers explain what this title would mean to Toronto [The Lowe Post]