9.28.18

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  Written while listening to 2Pac’s Keep Ya Head Up

Twelve out of thirty NBA teams finished under .500 last season. But hey, with a new season comes new hope. Our guide will encourage such optimism while also reminding you of the bad parts. We were going to put a graphic of the NBA’s Atlantic Division, but divisions are so useless there isn't even an official design for it. Sad!

What’s bad: David Fizdale has relented his soul to human flesh clump James Dolan, and a current core of Courtney Lee, Tim Hardaway Jr., Lance Thomas and Enes Kanter, who enjoys the playoffs because they make his nipples hard, is the backbone of the team, and will cost $54 million in 2018-19.What’s depressing: Frank Ntilikina logged some solid NBA minutes last year, and just might mess around and become future Courtney Lee.What’s good: Summer League Kevin Knox. Oh hell yes.A path to the playoffs: Knox becomes a plus NBA player in his rookie season, and Trey Burke and Emmanuel Mudiay prove they belong in a league that is a season away from spitting them out. Kristaps Porzingis returns in early 2019, and scales his season perfectly so his peak comes down the stretch instead of in November and December, like always. The Knicks’ PR department coins a dumb #hashtag for his return, the city eats it up, and the Knicks go 39-43, squeaking into the eighth seed, culminating in a two-week, five-game series in which the mecca of basketball can act LIKE EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE.

What’s bad: Nets fans have spent the last four years watching the NBA Draft while dripping hot wax on themselves, dreaming of Ben Simmons, Jaylen Brown, Jayson Tatum and Collin Sexton, while dealing with the oncourt reality of Quincy Acy, Tyler Zeller, Jahlil Okafor and Nik Stauskas.What’s depressing: The Nets finally have their own first round draft pick, but they’ve made enough smart trades and hit on enough late-round draft decisions over the last few years that they’ll finish something like 36-46 this year, bad enough for the 13th pick, but also good enough for the 13th pick.What’s good: Portland teammates Shabazz Napier, Allen Crabbe and Ed Davis are reunited and groovin’ like Earth, Wind & Fire. Spencer Dinwiddie might actually be good. Jimmy Butler said he was down to go there, which is kind of a miracle. Kenny Atkinson is hipster NBA Twitter’s newest darling. Jarrett Allen.What needs to happen: D’Angelo Russell, the second pick in the 2015 NBA Draft, is in his fourth year on his second team, and the best thing he’s done with his career is break up Nick Young and Iggy Azalea, which, let’s be very clear, is a good thing for the league and for the country. Right now, he’s a mediocre distributor, a decent scorer, and a bad shooter. A path to a 30-plus win season starts with his enlightening.

What’s bad: You’ve been avoiding it, haven’t you? No more. We had to listen to it for the good of the newsletter, which means it would be a cruel trick for you not to. Here it is: Kawhi Leonard’s laugh from Monday’s media day, in all its inauspicious horror.What’s depressing: The Toronto Raptors are the one guy in high school who shows up to varsity basketball tryouts with the brand new Air Jordans, the Nike socks, the headband and the dry fit shorts. He looks the part, but he ultimately doesn’t play the part, and gets cut every season despite showing up slightly better each time. This year, his parents paid for a personal trainer to teach him a killer crossover that looks great on Instagram videos but not in a 3-on-3. This year, the Raptors added Kawhi Leonard. Their hearts are both in the right places. Bless them.  What’s good: Two years ago, Kawhi Leonard was the second best player in the league and probably should have won the MVP over Russell Westbrook. If you take that Kawhi and stick him where an overrated star was last season, then this team is very good.The ceiling: A 60-win season and a trip to the Eastern Conference Finals, if Kawhi can be bothered.

What’s bad: The 76ers just had an offseason in which LeBron James, Kawhi Leonard and Paul George never had a realistic chance of joining their team. But if you think that’s bad, imagine watching your old and unhip general manager crumble under the weight of his Twitter egg empire.What’s depressing: Joel Embiid is a wet spot away from becoming a ‘what-if,’ Ben Simmons still won’t shoot any 3s, Robert Covington disappeared against the Celtics in the playoffs last year, and the team’s former unhip general manager crumbled under the weight of his Twitter egg empire.What’s good: Simmons and Kendall Jenner broke up. The Timberwolves called the 76ers and asked for Simmons for Jimmy Butler, and the 76ers were smart enough to hang up. The tantalizing possibility that Markelle Fultz might be a third star. Vegas likes them to win more games than last year.What’s true: Outside of maybe the Celtics, there isn’t a young core you could argue is more likely to win multiple championships in the next several years than the 76ers.

What’s bad: Celtics fans have to wait an entire season to see where in the top five the #KingsPick will land.What’s depressing: There was some very minor buzz from the outskirts of NBA reporting that the New York Knicks were front runners for Kyrie Irving when he becomes a free agent next summer. That gained some momentary validity when Jimmy Butler listed the Knicks as a trade destination. Then Irving spoke candidly of his desire to stay in Boston. It turns out this is not depressing for the Celtics, but is depressing for the Knicks.What’s good: Kyrie Irving, Jaylen Brown, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, Al Horford, Marcus Smart, Terry Rozier, Marcus Morris, Aron Baynes and Daniel Theis.What’s corny but cool: Marcus Morris came up with a name for his team’s bench unit -- BWA, Bench With Attitude. Better than LeBron’s nickname for his second unit of castoffs -- MUD, Misunderstood, Underappreciated and Determined.

 Jimmy Butler links

• As of Friday afternoon, Jimmy Butler has not been traded.

• From Thursday: Timberwolves' asking price holding up Jimmy Butler trade [ESPN]

• The S.I. guys break down the latest as of today.

• Getting Tom Thibodeau to admit he’s going to trade Butler is like Pam getting Michael to acknowledge he is not her daughter’s godfather.

• Once this whole thing blew up, Karl-Anthony Towns signed a massive extension.

• S.I.’s top 100 had Butler as No. 10. Is this a little high for an injury prone, headstrong 29-year-old who has never played beyond the second round?

Month in review

• Tristan Thompson went on a rant saying Cleveland was still the team to beat in the east.

• Demar DeRozan and Serge Ibaka lightly trash talking while baking is oddly enjoyable.

• Elton Brand went from player to general manager of the 76ers in just two years. Here’s him on the Lowe Post.

• NBA’s League Pass will be selling streams of the fourth quarter for two dollars. Smart move, but still, nothing beats Reddit’s free streams.

• Just another reminder that Nick Young is an NBA Champion.

• Marcus Smart’s analogy on basketball vs. life is low-key beautiful.

• The time Dikembe Mutombo candidly told M.J. he’s never dunked on him, and the time M.J. dunked on him.

• People who look weird in new uniforms roundup: Tony Parker | Rajon Rondo | DeMar DeRozan | Carmelo Anthony

• Eric Gordon will reportedly be starting over Melo.

 Concrete reads

• Shawn Bradley is really, really tall. But why? [WSJ]

• How exactly did Ray Allen become Jesus Shuttlesworth in Spike Lee’s ‘He Got Game’? [The Undefeated]

• From the archive: Pearl [The Stacks]

• A reintroduction to Gordon Hayward [The Ringer]

• The Newport 5 [NBC Sports]

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