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- The Grip - FRI 7.6.18
The Grip - FRI 7.6.18
Fear and lumbering in San Francisco
7.6.18
Written while listening to Earth, Wind & Fire's Boogie Wonderland
Let’s quell the Boogie hysteria
Dating all the way back to those weird duel fan fiction stories that Bill Simmons wrote about DeMarcus Cousins, which both existed in a post-current world where the Celtics traded for Cousins while he was still on the Kings, the thought of Boogie moving to any different team has for some reason long transfixed the NBA world.
Why? This much, we will admit: He is a pure bucket-getter who is capable of gaudy stat lines. He scored 55 in a game once, and it was awesome. It was also for the Kings against the Blazers in a random regular season game.
This much, we will force you to confront:
He just tore his achilles, the same injury that took peak Kobe and turned him into...whatever the last three years of his career were.
He has never, ever, ever, shown the ability to be a winning player.
The Golden State Warriors signed him earlier this week to a one-year, $5.3 million dollar contract. Everyone lost their minds, us included.
But we thought about it, and it just probably won’t matter. Cousins tore his achilles in late-January. This is a very, very, very bad basketball injury. It’s ruined careers. This 2013 medical study reports that, in a 23-year span, 18 NBA players tore their achilles. Seven of them never returned to the league.
That’s not good. What’s far worse is that…...uh…..have you ever actually watched Boogie play basketball? It’s a goddamn mess. He’s a 300-pound, flat-footed sasquatch who trembles the hardwood when he jumps. He picks up technical fouls faster than subway rats reproduce.
He’s sweaty, and whiney, and his best move is to jack up a ridiculous three-pointer, or burrow his way into the chest of a helpless center before mercifully ending the possession.
His scowls are enough to make a Buddhist monk cry. His turnover rate is that of a white guy named Dick in the 1950s playing for a team from upstate New York. (Shoutout to the Rochester Royals.)
He is a wide load, who needs strong feet to function. The injury decimated Kobe. It’s scary to think what it could do to Boogie.
There’s a reason the Pelicans passively scheduled a meeting with him for later this week, giving him what turned out to be the front office version of the finger. It’s nearly impossible that he’ll return this calendar year. When he comes back, he’ll be trying to fit into an already legacy-stamped team whose only achilles -- sorry for the pun -- is a penchant for too many turnovers. Boogie averaged five last year.
The Pelicans were 27-21 last year when he got hurt. Nikola Mirotic filled in and the stretchy combo of him and Davis finished 21-13. They played Golden State to a relatively competitive five-game series. They were all over Julius Randle, and for good reason.
Cousins, at best, projects to be a fifth starter who can relieve a bench unit that might sometimes struggle to score. He’s not cracking the crunch time five, though.
In a vacuum, he is a more talented player than someone like Andre Iguodala. But the NBA is about context, and a moody, condition-challenged, turnover-prone big man coming off a devastating injury, it turns out, doesn’t fit into many puzzles.
Tell me the (FA)CTS
Seems like everytime you check your phone, there’s a new tweet from Woj or Shams about a free agent signing. But don’t let those big signings distract you from some smaller ones that, come playoff time, might be key pieces to a conference title run for some eastern conference teams. We’re going to rank them like you’d see on Yelp because, let’s be honest, that’s how the GMs see it, right?
J.J. Redick - $One year, $12-13 million with the 76ersRedick, who turned down more money from the Rockets last season to play for the 76ers, still trusts the Process and will be coming back again for about half the price.
Avery Bradley - $$Two year, 25 million with the Los Angeles ClippersAvery Bradley is going to make more money than DeMarcus Cousins in 2018.
Tyreke Evans - $One year, 12 million deal with the Indiana PacersA consistent scorer at a good price will add another dimension to the Pacers offense.
Nerlens Noel - $One year, around $1.7 million (with player option for second year) with the Oklahoma City ThunderRemember the hype around this guy? After turning down a four year, $70 million dollar deal with the Mavericks, things went south real fast. An injury-heavy and generally poor 2017-18 campaign has made him look for a fresh start at any price, and the Thunder scooped him right up.
Derrick Favors - $$$Two years, $36 million with the Utah JazzHe was an important part of Utah’s strong second half of last season, and he’s shown that he can thrive even with Rudy Gobert. He impressed the front office enough to make room in their budget for him for the next two year and will come off the books right as Donovan Mitchell is peaking and they can use that cap space to lure a big FA.
Who’s left?
Here’s the most up to date list of restricted and non restricted free agents. FYI: Here’s the difference between the two.
Jabari Parker: There’s always value in a top three pick, and although he’s likely to resign with the Bucks, there’s a slim chance that he wants more money and will test the market.
Isaiah Thomas: Hello? A former All-Star? Hip problems or not, he needs to get employed ASAP. It looks like the Magic could be closing in. :(
Zach LaVine: It’s going to be a while before we all accept that Zach LaVine will likely never be the same after tearing his ACL. Until then there’s a lot of hopeful GMs that will gamble on him.
Other worthy mentions:
Wayne Ellington
Luc Mbah a Moute
Jusuf Nurkic
Marcus Smart
Brook Lopez
If you want to read more, here’s a full list by SB Nation of all teams and their cap space situations.
The Thunder, who refused to pay James Harden, now have the most expensive roster ever
Yep. They signed Ray Felton to a minimum, and now, with luxury tax included this season, they’ll pay about $300 million in salaries.
The Thunder. The team that traded James Harden because he was going to ask for too much money.
Here’s a short documentary on the Paul George signing that includes a bit on how Sam Presti loves the phrase, “Scared money don’t make none.”
Does he not see the irony in that?
Link time
Donovan Mitchell was party hopping around Salt Lake City during the fourth of July.
Goodbye LeBron, and LeBron’s banner.
Incase you were wondering, Uncle Drew has a 66 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
Reddit NBA presents: Where's Kawhi?
Giannis Antetokounmpo saved a Greek man who fainted. L.E.G.E.N.D.
Concrete reads
Finally free from LeBron’s reign, the NBA East has no reason to change [The New York Times]
The Pacers got better while everyone else was chasing superstars [SB Nation]
Uncle Drew probably shouldn't exist, but definitely isn't bad [DeadSpin]
Zach Lowe on Demarcus Cousins in written form [ESPN]
The beautiful 1985 profile of Dr. J that you never knew you needed [The Stacks]
In remembrance of the terrible, meaningless Lakers [The Ringer]
Our podcast picks
