Friday, May 22nd, 2020

Our top-10 equation — Pizza maker responds — Biggie Smalls

Friday, May 22nd, 2020

  The Opening Tip

  • Jerry Sloan, longtime Jazz coach, passed away this morning

  • We have an equation to end all top-10 arguments

  • The man behind Michael Jordan’s alleged rotten pizza has spoken

  • Biggie Smalls’ I Got a Story to Tell is still a piece of NBA history

1. The Lead: The Grip’s equation for deciphering the all-time top-10 list    

We have good news. We’ve created a simple but foolproof equation for deciphering the 10 best NBA players of all-time.Here it is:

  • A ranking based solely on total number of MVPs + Titles + Finals MVPs. 

(Oh, too simple? Then why didn’t you think of it?)A few rules/disclaimers: 

  1. To qualify, you must have at least one of each. That disqualifies flukes like Robert Horry and Derek Fisher, and also great-but-not-top-10 players like Karl Malone, Charles Barkley and Isiah Thomas. 

  2. The equation is unfair to four people: Steph Curry, Kevin Garnett, Oscar Robertson and Dr. J, who all have an MVP and a ring -- the two hardest parts -- but no Finals MVP. 

  3. The only person the equation inflates is Willis Reed (1 MVP; 2 titles; 2 Finals MVPs). He was a great player of his time, but not among the handful of best ever. We're going to leave him off the list.

  4. The Finals MVP award came along in 1969, which means Bill Russell never won one (Jerry West, despite losing the series, won the only one Russell could have). That fact will serve as a reverse-curve for Russell, who racked up titles and MVPs in the less-competitive 1960s. 

Other than that, it works pretty well.The rankings, by MTFs (MVPs, Titles, Finals MVPs): 

  1. Michael Jordan, 17 (5 + 6 + 6)

  2. Bill Russell, 16 (5 + 11 + 0) 

  3. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 14 (6 + 6 + 2)

  4. Magic Johnson, 11 (3 + 5 + 3)

  5. LeBron James, 10 (4 + 3 + 3)

  6. Tim Duncan, 10 (2 + 5 + 3)

  7. Larry Bird, 8 (3 + 3 + 2)

  8. Kobe Bryant, 8 (1 + 5 + 2)

  9. Shaquille O’Neal, 8 (1 + 4 + 3)

  10. Wilt Chamberlain, 7 (4 + 2 + 1)

  11. Moses Malone/Hakeem Olajuwon/Kevin Durant, 5 

Others who register on the MTF scale: Dirk (3), Wes Unseld (3)In graph form:

The exact order is up for squabbling -- we would move LeBron to No. 2 and leapfrog Kareem over Russell -- but would anyone argue those, in some combination, are the 10 or so best players ever?(If the answer is yes, you should simply show them this list.)The immediate periphery of the top-10 is perfect, too; when measured in MTFs, Moses, Hakeem and KD are right there on the cusp of the top-10, which is exactly where they deserve to be.Do you have a better equation? Let us know.

 2. 1990s Pizza Hut manager to Michael Jordan: I didn’t do shit to your pizza 

Horace Grant unleashed on Michael Jordan a few days ago, but the much more interesting “Last Dance”-induced beef came from the Park City Pizza Hut manager who allegedly poisoned Michael Jordan’s pizza in 1997.He -- Craig Fite is his name -- spoke with a Salt Lake City radio station on Monday, and categorically denied any malfeasance in the case of Jordan vs. the Poisoned Pizza. He was, he says now, a huge Bulls fan who named his son Michael, and volunteered to make the pizza for fear of other employees tinkering with it. Also, there weren’t five people delivering the pizza like Jordan’s trainer Tim Grover said in “The Last Dance” -- only two.Here’s what he had to say: 

“It was towards the end of the evening that we got a call -- and everybody up in Park City was aware where the Bulls were -- they’d already been up there for three or four days. When you work in the restaurant business up there, you obviously know what’s going on. You know where they’re at. So we went ahead and the guy all of a sudden motions me over cause he knew I was the only Bulls fan in the store. I had bets, wagers I should say, with everybody in the store on it. And so he comes over and goes, “Hey I think it's the Bulls. It might be one of the players.’ I had just started there about three or four weeks earlier. I had been hired as an assistant manager, and I go, ‘Oh, well, I’m delivering it.’ I was like, ‘Hey, I will make the pizza, cause I don’t want any of you doing anything to it.’ I told the driver, ‘You’re going to take me there.’ I go ahead and I make the pizza. … I’ve been telling this to everybody. It was a large thin and crispy, extra pepperoni pizza. So, I went ahead and made the pizza. … I in fact geeked out a little bit. Made sure it didn’t puff up. It was a good pizza. … So we went ahead and hopped in with the driver to head over to where they were staying.  Everybody knew they were staying at the Marriott in Park City. From there, you had to go through security. The crap story that the guy said that there were five people -- there was two of us. … You had to identify yourself. We’re dressed in all of our uniforms. It’s clear where we’re coming from. The security guard says, ‘Great, go ahead in.’ I go ahead and obviously the pizza has never left me. … As soon as you walk into the room you can smell the cigar smoke. We get in onto the elevator. It was the second floor. Soon as that door opened it felt like you got punched in the face with cigar smoke. I remember one of the players said, ‘Hey, pizza! Who’s it for?’ I said, ‘It’s room whatever.’ And they went, ‘Oh, it’s for Mike. Leave it alone.’ … We go over and I knock on the door and this great guy who’s been saying all this crap lately … he answered the door, barely answered the door. I said, ‘Hey … here’s the pizza.’ He goes ahead and gets some money. … He handed me a $20 and makes the gesture to me, keep the change. And I’m handing him the pizza and I said, ‘Hey, can I at least say hi to Mike?’ Why not, it’s my one shot. The door opens up a little bit more. Mike is there playing cards or whatever. He raises his hand and says, ‘Thanks man.’ Then the guy looked at me and shut the door. And that’s the extent of the whole story.”

(That took about 20 minutes to transcribe, so please read it.)

 3. Biggie Smalls’ contribution to NBA history  

Biggie Smalls would have been 48 yesterday.The great rapper didn’t have much connection to the NBA -- not that that’s stopped today’s Brooklyn Nets from ruthlessly exploiting him -- but had one famous tie-in through his classic song, I Got a Story to Tell.The song is rapped in narrative form, of an (apparently completely true) mix up with a player on the Knicks, who returned home while Biggie was … with ... his girlfriend.In the song, between verses, someone asks Biggie who the player was. Biggie responds by saying: 

“I don’t know, one of them six-five ******” 

In 2016, rapper Fat Joe revealed who it was: Poor Anthony Mason, who passed away in 2015. Once he said that, the story blew up, and everyone -- Fat Joe included -- felt bad about it.Still, it’s a legendary story and song by a larger-than-life human. Listen here.

4. 05/22/2006: The Mavericks squeeze by the Spurs 

On this day 14 years ago, one of the great second-round series ever wrapped up, with the Mavericks defeating the Spurs in San Antonio in a Game 7 overtime, 119-111.In the final 30 seconds of regulation, Manu Ginobili nailed a 3-pointer to make it 104-101, which felt like a dagger. But Dirk’s driving layup, GIF’d above, combined with Manu’s bonehead foul, tied the game at 104. In overtime on the road, the Mavs outscored the Spurs, 15-7, to advance.Had Manu simply let Dirk get his layup, the Spurs might have won the series and repeated (and perhaps three-peated) as NBA champs.Also, a quick reminder that no one did more with less than Dirk. Here are the two starting fives that day…Dallas: 

  • Dirk 

  • Jason Terry

  • Josh Howard

  • Devin Harris

  • Erick Dampier

San Antonio: 

  • Tim Duncan (who had a 41-15-6 in Game 7)

  • Bruce Bowen

  • Michael Finley

  • Tony Parker

  • Manu 

That’s three Hall of Famers to one.

5. Jerry Sloan: 1942-2020

Legendary Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan died this morning due to complications from Parkinson’s disease. Sloan, 78, played a role in the last two episodes of “The Last Dance” as a worthy foil to Phil Jackson. He coached the Jazz from 1988 through 2011, from Karl Malone to Carlos Boozer.As a player, Sloan played 755 games -- mostly for the Bulls, ironically -- tallying two All-Star teams and six All-Defensive teams.[READ: Jerry Sloan, the Utah Jazz’s Hall of Fame coach and beloved Beehive State icon, dies at 78]

6.  Off the Press  

  • Meet Jaylen Brown’s quarantine trainer: His 78-year-old grandfather [The Boston Globe]

  • The testing plans at the center of the NBA’s relaunch efforts [The Ringer]

  • Jerry Sloan’s death ‘would’ve haunted’ Deron Williams if not for sitdown [The New York Post]